You Never Can Wash the Blood from Your Hands
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: Intelligence is the measure of her value but darkness calls to her as always. Quinn doesn't know why but she feels the touch of Dark Magic in her soul even as her pursuit of knowledge brings her closer to the edge. Hogwarts!AU
1. Prologue

**Title:** You Never Can Wash the Blood from Your Hands

**Chapter:** 0

**Characters/Pairings:** Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, miscellaneous Glee and Harry Potter characters

**Word Count:** 506

**Spoilers:** AU because it's set at Hogwarts so none.

**Summary:** Intelligence is the measure of her value but darkness calls to her as always. Quinn doesn't know why but she feels the touch of Dark Magic in her soul even as her pursuit of knowledge brings her closer to the edge.

**Notes: **I don't know why but this and the zombie fic are on my mind right now. In my opinion it's going to be a dark-ish kind of fic but that's just me. I know where this is going and I'm already in the process of writing the next chapter so there's no harm there. If you feel like it tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: **Um...yeah. I don't own Glee or Harry Potter and the title comes from _Oceans_ by Evanescence.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Prologue<span>**

The Sorting Hat saw much in people. It knew who they were before, who they were then and who they would be when death came to claim their lives. The peculiar combination of Legilimency and Divination it was blessed with was not always perfect (after all, Severus Snape had been braver and more selfless than the average Slytherin had any right to be) but it was also aware enough of its own imperfections to know that sometimes it just had to guess. Those times were rare, though, so really, they did not really exist, right?

McGonagall knew it well enough to know when it was thinking these things so, on that particular first of September, one glance was enough to know. Whit a curt nod that indicated nothing but acknowledgement, she let it brood as she carried it to the Great Hall in what was to be their last trip together before that duty would be taken over by the new Deputy Headmistress.

The doors opened for them and thunderous noise dissipated with nothing more than a whimper as the pair entered. The first years were escorted in, the song was sung and one student was about to begin her life and prove the Sorting Hat wrong.

"Fabray, Quinn!"

The hazel-eyed blonde slowly made her way to the front of the Great Hall and sat on the stool that had supported many students before her. She waited patiently until the Hat was on her head before allowing herself to relax.

"Interesting."

"What's interesting?" Her voice was soft and politely curious but strained, almost as if that was all that she was allowed to let out. "You're interesting too."

"Really child?" The Hat chuckled, hiding its surprise much better than she ever could. "What's interesting?"

"You are. You see and yet do you know? You say you know but do you really see? The choices you make, are the really the right ones? Are the right choices really yours?"

"Aren't you rather inquisitive?" The Hat paused. She was a hard choice, her mind sharp and primed for learning but swirling beneath it all was ambition tainted by something darker and more menacing than most it had encountered. "One of the few students to challenge me too, eh? I haven't been this intrigued since Hermione Granger. You certainly are a special one."

The girl squeaked when she was compared to Hermione Granger but she did not show any emotion otherwise. It noted that for a later time. There were things in the girl's mind that were still locked away from it, things that kept it from making the choice it had to. If it did not make the right choice something it might regret could happen. The founders' magic and years of experience only served to confirm this.

Ten minutes later and it was a Hatstall unlike most and it knew that only one of the two choices it had in mind would do. Announcing its choice, all that was left to it was to watch and wait…

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Yeah, so that's the beginning. The darker part of the fic won't start immediately but it's mostly from Quinn's POV so it's a gradual thing. This isn't a crossover although there will be characters from Harry Potter so yeah. I think that's about it.


	2. Chapter 1

**Title:** You Never Can Wash the Blood from Your Hands

**Chapter:** 1

**Characters/Pairings:** Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, miscellaneous Glee and Harry Potter characters

**Word Count:** 3,997

**Spoilers:** AU because it's set at Hogwarts so none.

**Summary:** Intelligence is the measure of her value but darkness calls to her as always. Quinn doesn't know why but she feels the touch of Dark Magic in her soul even as her pursuit of knowledge brings her closer to the edge.

**Notes: **I'm back I guess?

**Disclaimer: **Um...yeah. I don't own Glee or Harry Potter and the title comes from _Oceans_ by Evanescence.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter One<span>**

"Fabray!"

Quinn groaned at the sound of the Potions Master's voice calling her name. She hated when her professors called her for anything short of an answer that she volunteered herself. There were a few exceptions and he certainly was not one of them.

"Sir?" The sixth-year looked up with weary eyes, already tired even though it was only the first class of the day. "What do you need me to do?"

"Switch with Evans and help Lopez since you've already finished the assignment before she loses part of her anatomy."

"Yes sir," she replied, gathering her things and moving to sit at a table occupied by two tan brunette Gryffindors. Turning to them, her eyes took in the two cauldrons, one with a perfectly bubbling clear liquid, the other containing a throbbing black mess. Looking at it hazel eyes narrowed slightly and a golden eyebrow arched at the sight.

"How is it that Berry can make the Draught of Living Death but she can't help you fix yours?"

The taller of the two shrugged. "Who knows? The potion's not exactly easy to make. Unless you're some smartass Ravenclaw, of course."

"Watch it Santana." Her voice was a low growl and her wand was already out and pointing in the other girl's direction under the table. "Wouldn't want you to lose the only thing that's keeping Brittany interested in you now would we?"

"I ought to –"

Santana was cut off as Quinn felt a sharp pain in her leg. She noticed a wand being put away in a black messenger bag in her periphery but her eyes were focused on Santana whose expression was actually one of dumbstruck awe.

"Rachel you just did magic in class to get into the middle of a fight. I'd hug you but then Britts would be sad if she didn't get to you first for the day."

"Going soft Lopez?"

"Fuck you Fabray."

"Sanna," Rachel said with one hand on Santana's arm, "just let her help. The faster we do this, the faster we can go. We already have enough detentions for the term without getting one from Professor Lendhar too."

"Fine," Santana said with a huff, earning a smile from Rachel. Briefly, Quinn wondered what she would have to do to receive one of those smiles before remembering where she was. "Ready now Santana?"

"Yeah yeah. So, Fabray, how was the summer?"

"You're still after what Hogwarts is like during the holidays?" She frowned as she looked over Santana's notes, knowing that she had an interesting habit of writing the instructions down as she followed them. "Santana, these are all correct. How did you manage to –"

"I just did, okay? Santana cut in quickly. "Can we get a move on with this? It's nearly lunch time and I needs to get my mack on before class with Professor Binns and my detention this evening."

"Detention again?" Rachel looked up from where she was reading ahead for class. "Sanna, you and Quinn get into so many fights that I'm surprised you both don't have a permanent spot in there. What did you do this time?"

"What makes you think I did anything first?" Santana asked as she added her ingredients to the cauldron in front of her. "Maybe I was minding my own business. Maybe I wanted to just get back to the dorms after Quidditch practice but got sucked into helping out this smart ass after she got into problems with some Slytherins. Maybe I didn't want to –"

"I think you've made your point Santana," Quinn cut in, disappointment rearing itself briefly in her heart that these people still were not her friends before she looked to Rachel. "It was, more or less, my fault. Azimio and his friends caught me off0guard but ran before Professor McGonagall got there."

"Oh."

She desperately tried not to look at Rachel, tried not to think of the look she always gave her whenever she did something like support Santana's confession, the mix approval, suspicion and almost acceptance that she would witness just before the topic was changed. Thankfully, she did not have to.

Just as Santana finished the potion the class ended. Mumbling a muttered goodbye, she gathered her things and left the two Gryffindors trying not to let the memories of what she had done take over her mind.

She was so engrossed in her efforts that she did not notice when she bumped into someone. Looking up she found herself face-to-face with the stormy grey eyes of Professor McDavies. Quinn stepped back and managed to stutter out an apology before turning to go in the opposite direction. A hand on her shoulder, however, stopped her.

"Why don't you come meet me in my office after you eat?" Her voice was soft, almost shy, as she spoke but there was something in her eyes that told her that this was not a request. "You look like you need to talk to someone."

The younger woman nodded, all too willing to forego free time spent mostly alone to talk to the teacher. They had fallen into a pattern recently of spending that time together working on her Transfiguration skills, something that she enjoyed immensely and, while she was admittedly reluctant to talk to her about anything unrelated to the subject, she needed help.

Making her way to the Great Hall, she managed to eat as quickly as she could before taking off to McDavies' office. The woman was already there when Quinn burst through the door but she did not acknowledge her until she had finished reading the parchment before her.

"Sometimes I wonder if these students even pay attention," she sighed looking up. "Sit Quinn."

She did as she was told without a word, her stomach twisting in knots as she did so. While she loved learning what her professors had to teach, she was still anxious whenever she had to speak to them, afraid of letting her secrets slip before she could even save herself. Her relationship with McDavies might have been different but her anxiety was still the same.

"Apart from our extra lessons do you even talk to anyone outside of class?"

Quinn raised an eyebrow at the woman's bluntness, surprised that it was direct at her. "I-I'm sorry?"

"Quinn, what happened to you? What happened to the little first year who used to follow me around all day? I look at you now and all I see is loneliness."

"I don't think you'd want to know," she muttered looking at her hands. "I grew up then, was growing up then. It's not something I like to think about too much."

McDavies leaned back and surveyed Quinn with an unreadable expression that unnerved her. When she could not see what she was thinking she started to feel like a child once more, vulnerable and scared. She hated feeling like that.

"You're not still trying to get into the Restricted Section are you? Or have you found a way around that?"

"Why are you asking about that?" An eyebrow rose at McDavies' questions, calling her bluff as she spoke, the girl all too aware of the reason for the change in topics. "Is that really why you called me here Kenzie?"

The use of Quinn's nickname for her elicited a sigh from the young professor. She did not want anyone prying into her private research habits and she did not think McDavies wanted to know about that anyway. There was something in the way that she looked at her that reminded her of the girl she used to follow around in her first year, the prefect who had taken her under her wing when she was alone and afraid.

"I just want to make sure you're okay. I see you in here every day but we don't talk and then I see you out there and you're alone. I'm worried about you, that's all."

"I'm fine," Quinn muttered, her eyes dropping to her hands. "I'm fine."

She was lying but she knew that McDavies would not call her out on it. The truth was that she was far from fine. Nightmares plagued her mind, causing her to keep herself awake at night just to avoid the images that haunted her. The resulting insomnia was not much better but she could deal with that.

Reaching out, she grabbed one of McDavies' hands, intertwining their fingers. This was one of the hands that used to calm her at night when she could not sleep, the fingers that used to run through her hair in the early hours of the morning. Stroking the pale skin with her thumb, she could not help but remember those times.

"Trust me, Kenzie," she whispered, bringing her hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles, "I'm not in trouble, not yet.

* * *

><p>Walking down the corridor to the library with her eyes attached once more to a book, Quinn was oblivious to the sniggering going on behind her back. Her eyes were scanning each paragraph in the hope of finding something she had been searching for years. So far, she had had no luck but she was getting closer, she could tell.<p>

When she bumped into Rachel the first stunning spell hit her back. Without thinking she dropped the book and reached for her wand but Rachel was faster, throwing up a shield while the pain shot through her from the impact.

Another spell was aimed at them and Rachel easily deflected it, giving Quinn time to recover. Once she was able to grit her teeth and turn to face her attacker she grimaced and cast her own stunning spell. It was not as weak as the one that had hit her but it still was not strong enough to do much more than cause some pain to the Slytherin she had hit.

Behind her she heard a familiar voice cast a spell that was blocked by her opponents and she was more than grateful for that person's presence as a tall Hufflepuff in the middle of the Slytherins snarled and tried to cast a Body-Bind Curse.

"Fucking hell Hudson, what's your problem?" the boy who had come to their aid shouted, "Since when did you hang out with Slytherins anyway?"

"Since when were you friends with _her_?" the boy shot back. "I though you weren't friends Puck."

"What?" Quinn shouted turning around, "You actually told Finn that we weren't friends?"

"Whoa, babe," Puck said, still protecting her from the other boys, "I didn't say that. I just told Finn that I wasn't banging you."

"For once your rep's getting you the wrong kind of attention Puckerman," Santana said as she joined the battle. "So, anyone know why the mini-giant is targeting Blondie here?"

Quinn mumbled something that caused Santana to laugh. "What was that Fabray? I couldn't quite hear you."

"I switched his stash of normal Muggle pornography with gay wizard porn, okay?"

"Quinn!" Rachel slapped her arm. "You shouldn't have done that. Finn is a nice boy – albeit a bit too arrogant and not very bright but still very –"

Quinn glanced at Santana, intrigued by the dark look ion her face and the anger in her eyes that could silence Rachel's defence of the boy. Something about that and the way that Rachel seemed cowed was enough to make Quinn understand. Sighing, she turned and pointed her wand at the boys.

"Levicorpus." With a flick of her wrist the group flew into the air. "Mobilicorpus." They were slammed into a nearby wall, not hard enough to break anything but hard enough to still cause some damage. "Petrificus totalus."

Quinn watched as the boys collapsed where she put them down, the haze in her mind dissipating just as she heard Professor McGonagall calling her name. Lowering her wand she turned to face the Headmistress as she strode down the corridor, a familiar woman with bushy brunette hair at her side.

"What is going on here?" the older woman demanded, glaring at the assembled students. "Duelling is strictly prohibited on school grounds unless sanctioned by a teacher. Surely you know that?"

"Yes Professor," was the general reply as students tried unsuccessfully to hide their wands. Only Quinn held hers loosely by her side, all expression gone from her face, leaving it blank.

"Care to explain yourself, Miss Fabray?" McGonagall arched an eyebrow at the Ravenclaw. "I'm assuming, after all, that the presence of your wand is an indication of your involvement in this."

"I was attacked and my colleagues," here she glanced at the group behind her who flinched at the word, "defended me. However, I was the one who did the most damage and I will accept full responsibility on their behalf."

McGonagall surveyed the girl for a moment before nodding. "Very well. For each student involved forty house points will be taken from your respective houses. Mr. Hudson, you and your friends with receive a week's detention each. As for you Ms. Fabray, you will not only receive two weeks' detention but you will also be required to stop attending your additional Transfiguration classes which, I believe, you usually enjoy for that time and your Hogsmeade privileges will be revoked until the end of the term. In addition to this, you will be required to hand in your wand when not in class to me for the next two weeks. Am I understood?"

"Yes Professor," she said, looking to the floor in order to hide her grin. "I understand perfectly."

Placing her wand in McGonagall's outstretched hand, she waited until everyone had walked away before picking up her books and heading towards the library once more.

* * *

><p>"I don't think that was much of a punishment for you."<p>

Quinn looked up and found herself face to face with Rachel. The other girl had slid into the seat opposite her and was currently scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment. A blonde eyebrow rose before she returned her attention to the arduous essay in front of her.

"I still have my Restricted Section privileges and my freedom within the castle has not been taken away. It could have been much worse."

The shorter girl did not reply to this, choosing instead to focus on her own work. Quinn was grateful for the small mercy, not really wanting to talk about what had happened earlier. Already she was feeling the familiar headache that came with her anger and she really did not want to lash out at Rachel.

Together they worked in silence, not even noticing how comfortable they were with each other until it was time to leave. Even then, they chose not to mention it, walking together in the general direction of the Gryffindor common room.

"How did you know?" Rachel asked after while, breaking the silence. "That something was going between me and Finn, I mean. I could see that you knew something but we don't even talk much and I know Santana would never say anything."

Quinn paused her movement, leaning against a wall as she stared at her shoes. "Santana fights her own battles, that much I know, but she doesn't usually fight for a lot of things when it comes to fighting for others and her expression when you tried to defend meant something had happened. Also, you were _scared_ and it also had something to do with Finn."

"So what? You won't fight for yourself but you'll fight for someone else?" Her tone was not accusing, just confused. "I don't get it Quinn."

The blonde sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, causing her glasses to be raised slightly. "I don't do things without thought. When it comes to fights and duels I try to avoid them at all costs because I don't have much control over my temper, we all know that. I just…I hate guys like Quinn who take advantage of naïve little girls who don't know how to deal with guys like him."

"I-I…thanks, I guess."

"Don't," she said to the suddenly shy girl, waving away her thanks. "We may not be friends Berry but I won't let him get away with whatever he did to you. If anything, I'd say that he deserved what he got and more."

Pushing herself away from the wall, she walked away from Rachel. Instead of going to the Ravenclaw common room, however, she left the castle's warmth in exchange for the seeping cold of the lake. Quinn knew she was not supposed to be there – McGonagall had caught her during her second year and given her enough detentions for a month, after all – but there was something that lured her back there. She never could say why but it did.

With nothing to light her way but that glow of the lake, she made her way down to where the shore met the grassy lawn of the school grounds. Groaning, she sat down in the grass, finally tired after what had turned into a very bad day.

"Douche move, leaving Rachel the way you did there Fabray," a voice said as Santana materialised out of nowhere and flopped down next to her. "Didn't we discuss the dos and don'ts of this acquaintance already?"

Quinn looked over at the Latina in mild amusement, sure that somewhere in there was a joke. She never really could tell with the other girl and that in itself was usually enough to unnerve her. She was highly unused to Santana, even after all this time, and it showed.

"Chill out Fabray," she said with a slight smile. "I'm not going to do anything to you. I know the girl and I know how she can get but I still think you could have at least made sure she made it to the common room before walking off, you know."

"Why do you care so much about her when you make fun of her so much? I never got it."

"Of course you don't," Santana laughed. "Most people don't get it. We fight a lot but I've known Rachel since I was eight and out parents started to work together at the Ministry. She's loud, brash and annoying but she's also small, lonely and breakable."

"Almost sounds like you're trying to rationalise falling for her."

"Yeah, well. Britt's the love of my life but I've always been a little in love with the midget."

"Is that why you switched the potions in class and volunteered to go into the forets with her during detention?"

Santana shrugged. "Maybe. How do you know about the forest anyway? I though McDavies got you out of it in exchange for allowing her to extend your Hogsmeade ban?"

Quinn groaned. "How many people actually know about that? Kenzie arranged for that in private."

"One, this is Hogwarts," Santana replied, "Everyone knows about these kinds of things. Two, Kenzie?"

She flushed, realising what she had let slip. She had become so used to addressing her as professor only in the corridors and in the classroom that she forgot other people were not as close to McDavies as she was.

"We're not going to talk about what's going on between me and Professor McDavies because there is nothing going on between us. Don't force the issue, okay Santana?"

The brunette looked at Quinn and nodded. There was always something about the blonde that she could never point out. She was always so calm and so controlled that she rarely got visibly angry. To Santana, however, there was always a flash of darkness in her being that was the only indication of her anger. It scared her a bit, though she would never admit to it.

Quinn seemed to sense her wariness because she sighed and pitched a pebble into the lake. Watching it skip across the surface, she let the slight wind calm her yet again. She need this quiet peace, needed this control her own emotions.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, whatever."

"Do you ever regret it? Making friends, I mean."

"No, never."

"Oh, okay."

* * *

><p>The next morning Quinn slowly made her way to the Great Hall. Upon entering, she was waved over to the Gryffindor table where Santana was holding court. Sliding in next to her, she began to pile food high onto her plate.<p>

"Whoa there, Q. Don't want you to choke now."

She sent a glare in the girl's direction but her focus remained on her breakfast. She and Santana had somehow managed to stay up all night and yet the Gryffindor acted as if she had slept the entire time.

Flipping her off when she was satisfied with her breakfast, Quinn began to eat. Vulgar sounds came from Santana's direction but she chose to ignore them in favour of the bacon hill in front of her. So intent was she on her food, she did not notice the body that sat next to her until a fork started to creep onto her plate.

"Back off Kenzie," she hissed, bending over the meat slightly. "It's mine. Go get your own."

"I was just playing with you," the teacher said with a grin. "Besides, I'm only here to deliver this and an invitation to dine privately with Miss Granger after classes."

She nodded imperceptibly, accepting the letter from McDavies. "What time?"

"Around eight. McGonagall agreed to the postponement of your detention for one day in favour of it."

Quinn snorted into her pumpkin juice but did not say anything when McDavies left for the head table. Everyone knew just how highly McGonagall thought of the sole female member of the Golden Trio. It had even become a measurement of achievement of sorts for a student to be compared to her.

Once her mirth had subsided, her attention moved to the folded parchment bearing an unfamiliar seal. She had been waiting for this for quite a while and now she could barely wait to read it.

Glancing around to make sure that everyone else was occupied, she broke the wax and unfolded it.

_Quinn Fabray,_

_Before I begin to answer your enquiry I must hope you know that you are dealing with forces of magic that wizards greater than both of us could not control or avoided altogether. I understand your interest are, from what you have told me in your letter, to be purely academic but I must caution you to be careful. You may seek power with the intention of learning but it can corrupt you in ways that you cannot imagine._

_With that being said, I must admit to being confused by what you asked. The creation of Horcruxes is indeed as you have read but I do not know if it is connected to the creation of the Hollows. The origins of both are shrouded in mystery and scholars have yet to find an explanation for this._

_The replication of the Hollows themselves would require the lost knowledge of their creation as the process was never recorded, unlike that of the Horcruxes. Such an undertaking to recover this information has yet to be done as it would require an in-depth knowledge and understanding of magic, life, death and the soul, something that even Albus Dumbledore had never completely achieved in his lifetime. The closest anyone has ever come to this is Flamel's creation of the Philosopher's Stone._

_I am sure that you know this already Miss Fabray, which leads me to wonder why exactly you have approached me. The magic you are asking about is not only highly complex but ancient, dangerous and, as of the date on which this letter was written, not understood as well. The information you seek just simply does not exist._

_With this in mind, I find myself interested in your research. By the time you read this I will be at Hogwarts for a few months as an interim professor. I hope that during that time we can meet and discuss this topic at length._

_Hermione Granger._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Yeah, so there's chapter one. It doesn't start to get as dark as it should just yet but it's getting there. Also, Hermione's here! So that should be fun. Next chapter will probably take a little though because I have some other stuff I've started that I want to post such as that Twilight fic about Bella and Alice. I don't like the series but I really like Bellice so yeah. That's probably what's gonna be posted next. Well, that's it so I guess, read, enjoy and review please?


	3. Chapter 2

**Title:** You Never Can Wash the Blood from Your Hands

**Chapter:** 2

**Characters/Pairings:** Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, miscellaneous Glee and Harry Potter characters

**Word Count:** 3,569

**Spoilers:** AU because it's set at Hogwarts so none.

**Summary:** Intelligence is the measure of her value but darkness calls to her as always. Quinn doesn't know why but she feels the touch of Dark Magic in her soul even as her pursuit of knowledge brings her closer to the edge.

**Notes: **Hey! Another one of these and bonus Hermione/Ginny. I like cookies and reviews. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Um...yeah. I don't own Glee or Harry Potter and the title comes from _Oceans_ by Evanescence.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter Two<span>**

"Yo Fabray! Hold up!"

She continued to walk, ignoring Santana in favour of the notes she was trying to shuffle through in order to get to her Transfiguration homework. When she could not find it a frustrated growl left her throat and she adjusted her course, calculating how much time she had before classes began as she headed towards RavenclawTower instead. Kenzie would kill her if she did not submit that paper.

"Come on Fabray! Don't make me jinx your ass."

"What Santana?" she asked, not bothering to look at the Gryffindor. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Yeah." Was the drawled reply as Santana reached out and pulled Quinn's hair gently, causing the blonde to stop in her tracks, "I can see that. You're probably heading to your dorm right now because you forgot an essay or some stupid shit like that, am I right?"

Quinn's eyes widened and she turned to face the other girl. She would never admit it but the Gryffindor was probably the closest thing she had to a friend in their year.

"H-How did you –"

"Rachel found it in her stuff this morning." She held out the roll of parchment in question. "She wanted to make sure you got it back."

"She could have given it back in person." The Ravenclaw pouted as she accepted the essay even though she did not fully understand why. "She didn't have to get you to do it."

"Rachel was going to but I volunteered instead."

"What? Why?"

"Look, I know we don't get along most of the time but I still worry about you, okay? It's just…you've been down lately so I just wanted to make sure everything's alright. If you tell anyone, though, I'll kill you myself without a wand."

Quinn forced herself to meet Santana's eyes, her words slowly sinking in for the blonde. Santana was worried about her? She shook her head as if the action might reveal if this was a trick of some sort. Even if they spoke more than mere acquaintances did and almost got along she could not bring herself to believe the other girl.

Backing away from the brunette she glanced left and right, trying to find an escape route. She needed to get out of the re fast before she could delude herself into thinking that someone might actually care. That was a dangerous thought and one that she could not allow herself to entertain even for a small amount of time.

She could go up the staircase they were on but the likelihood of Santana not following her was actually very slim. Going down would only result in pain and a blocked path, an option equally as unfavourable but more likely to result in success and surprise her. Santana seemed to arrive at this same conclusion because she grabbed Quinn's wrist in a vice-like hold before she could move.

"What are you doing?" she asked while struggling even though she knew it would be useless. Santana was Gryffindor's star Chaser, years of practice holding on to a ball and not letting go giving her the advantage over Quinn even if their strength and reflexes were equal. "I'm going to be late for class."

"That can wait. I want to know why you're suddenly running Q."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bullshit Fabray! You're trying to run right now."

"I'm not trying to run," she growled even as her body moved in an effort to get away. "I just want to go to class."

"You don't even have to go," Santana growled back, her arms circling Quinn's waist as she leaned calmly against a nearby wall. "Everyone knows that you've been prepared since fourth year for the N.E.W.T.s. What I want to know is why you won't let anyone in."

"I can't," she whispered, finally letting herself slump back against the other girl as the panic gave way to pain and hurt. "I can't let anyone in again."

* * *

><p>"Shh," Santana cooed gently as she rocked the blonde back and forth. "It's going to be fine, I swear. You'll be fine."<p>

Somehow they had ended up leaning against an old willow near the lake with Quinn leaning against Santana after she had managed to get Kenzie to get her teachers to let them skip the rest of their classes. The Gryffindor felt safe to her, like she could relax in her presence and not have to worry about anything.

Quinn was so overwhelmed by that feeling that she could not stop crying, had not stopped since they had settled on the ground. It just felt _so_ good and terrifying at the same time to feel like that.

"Dam it Fabray," Santana chuckled sadly, "who knew you could be so damn depressed underneath your dorkiness?"

"'M not a dork," Quinn mumbled sleepily as she burrowed deeper into the other girl. "Just a Ravenclaw. Supposed to be smart."

"Smart, Q, not dorky."

Quinn did not reply. It had been so long since she had had physical contact with anyone like this and she did not want to ruin it. Inevitably, she would say or do something that would make the other girl upset enough to leave her. She was determined to prolong the period before that happened.

Santana sighed when she said nothing causing her to stiffen immediately. This was it. This was the moment when she would be forced to stop deluding herself and face reality. She was snot sure she could deal with another rejection but she would try to anyway.

"Rachel says you're like two different people." She did not expect that but she let Santana continue, not sure what she should say. "There's the quiet but fierce you who would help out two Gryffindors even when you know you'll get in trouble, sort of like a lion Quinn, I think. Then there's the you who's so fucking innocent and afraid all the time yet lets your curiosity shine through in those rare moments when you're not scared. She calls that Kitty Quinn."

"I'm not a good person, though," she countered in a small voice as she got up and turned away. "For all that you and Rachel see there's so much more you don't, so much more that's dark and twisted and _ugly_. I'm sorry, Santana, but I just…I just can't."

* * *

><p><em>She was running, always running but with no relief. The darkness behind her was closing in fast, tendrils snaking out to touch her and try to grab hold even as she tried to escape.<em>

_She stumbled. Her legs twisted under her and she fell, her failure to get up more pressing than anything else. If she did not then she was dead, nothing more than an empty shell as the darkness stole her soul and consumed it._

_Strangled cries reached her ears and she shuddered at the sound. There were souls out there experiencing a torment so painful it hurt to hear it. She did not want to join them. She had to escape. She needed to escape…_

* * *

><p>Quinn woke from her sleep with a start. She tried to calm her racing heart but it was no use. The fear would stay with her until she could find a way to calm down hours later. Her mind was already a mess and the nightmares only ever served to make it worse than it always was. She knew this all too well.<p>

Groaning, she reached for the watch on her bedside and glanced at the time: 6:45. Eyes wide she scrambled out of bed and rushed to get ready. She only had fifteen minutes to get dressed, find her notes and make it to Kenzie's office for her dinner with Hermione.

"Fuck," she muttered as she stumbled against the dresser someone had conjured earlier, "Why would anyone – you know what? Never mind this crap. I should get out of here now."

Still muttering to herself Quinn stopped and forced her body to calm down. Her breathing deepened and her heart slowed until it was almost as if she had fallen asleep where she stood.

"Accio notes."

The tingling of her fingertips was nothing compared to he choking sensation that caused her to wince as she muttered the spell. This was not how it was supposed to work but she had no choice. She hated being late and she was running late enough as it was. The best impression possible needed to be made and she would be damned if she ruined that before she could start.

Grabbing the stack of parchment from the air as it zoomed towards her, she stuffed it into her messenger bag and yanked on her tie. Stepping into her trainers as she ran, she nearly knocked Kenzie over as they collided on the staircase outside of the dorms.

"Whoa there Fabray," the older woman said as she steadied Quinn. "Where's the fire?"

"I have a meeting with the smartest witch alive in eight minutes. What do you think, Kenz?"

"You're running late?" There was amusement in her tone now that she knew what had Quinn so wound up. "That's new. You're usually obnoxiously early to anything you have to get to."

"Yeah well, damn Gryffindors never knowing when to mind their own business and just leave me alone." She did not even bother to glare as she proceeded down the staircase once more as she shouted back. "By the way, if you're looking for my year-mates don't bother asking me. I don't know where they are."

Ten minutes later she was standing in front of Kenzie's office trying to catch her breath as she ran a hand through her hair. To say she was nervous was nothing. This was Hermione fucking Granger, member of the Golden Trio and Quinn's own personal idol. Of course she would be nervous.

"You're not planning on staying out there, are you?" Hermione's voice floated out as the door opened to reveal the witch in question. "I don't mind having dinner in the corridor but I'm almost positive Minerva would throw a fit. Stickler to the rules and always on the lookout for the ones who break them, most of the time."

Hermione smirked at the thought and there was just something about it that helped Quinn to relax. Still, she had to apologise. The need to do so was too ingrained in her personality to do otherwise.

"I know I'm late and I'm so sorry about that. It's just that I –"

"Don't worry about it," the older witch said as they sat at Kenzie's desk where a miniature feast sat waiting for them. "I just got here myself."

"You did?"

"Yes." Hermione giggled but Quinn barely noticed. Her eyes were trained on the piles of food in front of her. "You can go ahead, you now. I was going to be content with just a few sandwiches but Minerva insisted on this buffet so help yourself."

The Ravenclaw did not need much more encouragement than that, only pausing momentarily to gulp down some water every few bites. She was so focused on eating that she did not even allow herself to feel embarrassed until she heard Hermione laugh unrestrainedly. Only then did she slow down, her face warming as she realised what she must have looked like moments before.

"I'm so sorry. Again," she rushed out, not knowing what else to say.

"Don't worry about it," Hermione managed to say with a wave of her hand as she calmed down a bit. "I just realised why Minerva insisted on all this food which led me to think of Ginny. She always does eat like one of the boys."

"Oh…"

"Do you play Quidditch, by chance?"

Quinn shook her head. "I could but I don't really do any sports."

"Miss Pierce did mention that when we spoke earlier…"

"You spoke to Brittany?" she squeaked, wondering why the woman would need to talk to her cousin.

"Yes. She's a rather interesting girl which leads me to wonder why you practically live at Hogwarts when you have magical relatives."

She ducked her head at the words and pushed the memories to the back of her mind like she always did. She never liked talking about these things.

"It's complicated," Quinn replied after a while. "Suffice it to say that I did not even know I had relatives until last year."

"Is that so?" Hermione's smile turned wistful. "You remind me of Harry a bit before the war ended; fierce, loyal, resourceful and alone in a crowd. At least, that's how it looked for a while before he let us in again. Tell me, Quinn, do you have any friends here at Hogwarts?"

The conversation was so familiar that she had to keep her emotions in check or she would lash out. This was Hermione Granger, a veritable – albeit, idolised – stranger in her life and it would do her no good to let her feelings dictate her actions. There was also the fear of what McGonagall might do to her to consider.

"I…I have acquaintances…not really friends, per se…they try but…I can't let them in."

"Why not?"

"It's –"

"Complicated?"

"Yeah."

Hermione sighed and passed a hand through her hair and over tired features. "Quinn I think you should go back to RavenclawTower."

"What? Are you saying that you won't…?" She let the sentence trail off, afraid of what was to come but Hermione seemed to understand anyway.

"No, it's not that. I would still welcome the thought of you and I talking about your research and I've even entertained the idea of bringing you into this project as my research partner but there are other things to consider as well. The Hallows themselves are enough to drive good men to unsavoury deeds but I also need to e sure that your mind is going to be safe during all this."

"Why? You've said it before in your own work. Nothing about this is safe once you go past the myths and stories."

"Maybe that's true but I'd rather not risk McGonagall's new favourite just yet. She tends to get a bit touchy about things like bodily harm and the possibility of death. God knows Harry, Ron and I gave her enough to worry about when we were at school."

Quinn did not know if it was Hermione's self-deprecating delivery or the way she smirked so smugly it reminded her of Santana but she let herself relax again upon hearing words that should not have had such an effect on her. At least she was not denying her the chance to prove herself outright.

* * *

><p>"Ugh!"<p>

She tried to focus her magic but it kept rebounding back into her resulting in the inevitable crashes against the walls of the Room of Requirement that left her groaning in pain. Something was off but she could not tell what it was that was interfering with her abilities at the time.

"Come on!" she begged, "Just work this time please."

The mannequin she was using as a target moved slightly before she was thrown back into the wall once more. A metallic taste alerted her to the possibility of a head injury, the taste having entered her mouth onto her tongue from the trickle of blood on the left side of her face. She took that as a sign that she needed to stop before things got too far.

Groaning, she got up and shuffled over to a nearby cupboard where she had stored a few healing potions. It was all she could do not to gulp one down in order to find some relief from the intense pain that she was only just now noticing now that she was no longer focused on attacking the mannequin.

"You look like crap Quinn."

"Do I Kenzie?"

Replacing the now half-filled vial she moved to gather her things, whimpers falling softly from her lips with each step. Her ribs were most likely severely bruised or worse and the potion would not take effect for a while so that even the smallest action on her part was extremely painful.

Fighting back tears, she bent down to retrieve a book that had fallen out of her bag and onto the floor. Unfortunately, she must have misjudged the extent of the damage her body had taken because moments later she had toppled over onto the ground. Burying her face into her hands she creamed in frustration.

"You need to take it easy Quinn," Kenzie whispered, pulling the girl into her and rocking her gently. "The magic is going to be there at the end of it all. It's not going anywhere so stop pushing so hard."

"I can't help it Kenzie. I can't just stop like everyone else can. I need to…I need to…"

"What?" The young professor continued in that soft tone that Quinn had always thought was reserved just for her. "What do you need to do? Tell me."

"I-I-I can't."

"Why not?"

"You'll hate me. You'll all hate me if you knew and then you'd leave me like everyone eventually does."

"We won't. I won't."

"I can't take that risk Kenzie."

"You can."

"I can't!" she shouted into the empty air of the room around them. "I just can't tell you."

She untangled herself from Kenzie and pushed herself backward, trying so hard not to show just how much of an effect their closeness was having on her. She was already feeling caged and trapped. She did not want that feeling to increase.

Stepping back, she picked up her bag and headed towards the door. She did not want to leave Kenzie but she had to. She may have been her safety at one point, her home, but it had been years since they were around each other like this and all she felt was caged in and she needed to get out.

"I'll see you in class Kenzie," she said, leaving the room as quickly as possible.

* * *

><p>Quinn dragged her hands through her hair as she focused on brewing her potion. She was tired, unbearably so, and the bruises from that morning still had not faded enough to stop hurting. Somehow, they had begun to hurt <em>more<em> than they had a few hours ago, causing her to worry that she might have broken something she should not have.

"You're adding too much wolfsbane," Rachel muttered from her place next to her. "Lighten up or it's going to go wrong."

They had been partnered up for this assignment and so far Rachel had stopped her at least seven times from ruining the potion too badly. She had a feeling that the shorter girl was getting increasingly frustrated with her but she could not help it.

"Quinn?"

"What Rachel?"

"Are you alright? I can…I can do this by myself if you're not feeling well. You don't have to worry either. I promise I won't tell any–"

"Rachel, stop." She placed a hand over the girl's mouth to emphasise her words. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm just a little tired right now. Besides, you seem to be having trouble too."

She raised an eyebrow at the girl's side of the worktable where ingredients were either tipped over or haphazardly scattered across the surface from several failed attempts to get the potion right. Unfortunately, neither of them had managed as of yet to correct their mistakes resulting in a cauldron of dull blue sludge.

Unfortunately, the bell rang signalling the end of the period before they could resolve their conversation. As the Potions-master passed by he seemed to take great pleasure in informing them that they had failed before dismissing them.

"Arrogant jackass," Quinn muttered when he had walked away. "He has no right to fail us."

"Quinn, he's a teacher," Rachel countered as she packed her bag. "Of course he can fail us. Besides, the potion was a failure anyway."

"Still," she whined, "he didn't have to look so fucking happy about it. He was grinning when he did it."

Rachel said nothing to this as they walked out, causing Quinn to frown. They may not have been friends but Quinn was familiar with and comfortable enough around the other girl to know when something was wrong and that was the case at the moment.

Looking around to make sure that they were not seen, she grabbed her companion's wrist and pulled her into an empty classroom. She had a feeling that Rachel would not appreciate having this conversation out in the middle of the corridor.

"Look," she began, her hands on the other girl's shoulder, "I know we're not friends but you can trust me. You know that right?"

Rachel nodded but she did not meet the other girl's eyes. Quinn could feel her shaking violently beneath her fingers but she was at a loss as to what she should do. Trying to figure it out she pulled Rachel into her arms just like Kenzie and Santana always did for her.

"You can…you can cry, you know. Kenzie always lets me do that when I need to."

"You sound like a five year old," Rachel finally said as she burrowed into Quinn's chest.

"I'm new at this comforting thing."

She could not explain why but those few words seemed to break the brunette in her arms and she could nothing but let Rachel fall apart against her.


End file.
